Sunday, May 1, 2011

Traffic

No pictures for this one because I'm on a bus stuck in traffic and writing this on my iPod. Some of the busses here have wi-fi, some don't, and even if this one did I couldn't post pics due to stupid Apple lack of connectivity.

The bus system in Penang looks pretty organised at first glance. But when you come to use it reality strikes. The bus on the main tourist route is timetabled as 'every 7 minutes' - all well & good. But all bar that one route are timetabled as 'every 30 mins' or 'every 45 mins' and there's no indication of when that starts. So you sit & wait, knowing that as soon as you nip off to get a bite to eat one will arrive. That's if it's not full (in which case you get a cheery toot and wave as it sails past) or switching drivers (which generally leads to a pantomime of confusion, the end result usually being that you wait on one stationary bus as another one passes. At least they have aircon.)

Once you're on the bus the real fun starts. The traffic is bad here. Excruciatingly, teeth-curlingly, hair-grindingly bad. There's about a third more cars on the road than it can handle. I have no idea where all these people came from or where they are hoping to go, but I hope they're not in a hurry. Because everything is crawling at walking pace, people will pull out from sidestreets and create new lanes where there should be none simply through force of will. Merging looks to be simply a game of chicken. If one lane speeds up everyone in the other lane frantically switches over, creating space in their lane which in turn speeds up and leads to everyone desperately jumping back. And all the time a steady stream of mopeds hurtle past on both sides, weaving between all lanes and often on the pavement too. Alley cat racers on fixies looking to prove their manhood should sell their 'whips' and venture out here on a 20 year old 125cc step-through to prove their worth. Bonus points if you can do it with 2 kids on the saddle or a large propane cylinder strapped to the back.

You start off flinching at the near misses. Then you start to get agitated at the stop-go traffic, but you breath deeply and understand that it's just the way here and you have to go with the flows. Eventually you want to stand up and shout 'enough! Let me out! I'll walk from here!' You don't know where you are or where you're going, but it still has to be quicker. You want to punch the driver in the face, jump off the bus and throw rocks at the traffic. You want to clothesline passing moped riders. But you know that if you do that self-same driver will be coming back the other way, and although you've got lost and have been waiting for 90 minutes in 34 degrees of heat and almost 100% humidity, he will barely slow his empty air-conditioned bus as he cheerfully toots & waves.

Two addendums -
This was written on an IPod in the between two of the 'every seven minute' busses. And those of you that have seen me type on even a normal keyboard will know how slow I am, never mind one of these wee tippie-tappie things cursed with apple UI & predictive text.

Also - I decided to get a one week bus pass, which covers all busses on the island for 7days for around $10. I had to show my passport to get this, and the clerk painstakingly wrote my details and the cards expiry date on the card in marker pen. Which 2 days later has rubbed off. Couldn't think of a better metaphor.

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